Push Me, Pull You?

When things are "all about you," you can make the decisions for yourself - not only are you able to do so, but you must, because nobody else will make them for you (inertia being a tacit decision not to make a decision, of course). The weather might complicate your wishes, but, for the most part, you can have things go your way.

For example: the order of your tasks for the day; whether to clean the car; when to buy and sell (you may be subject to the whims of the market, but how you react is up to you); how much time to spend outdoors; and so on.

So many things, however, are not "all about you" (or at least, not all about ME).

What happens when what you want runs counter to what someone else wants?

Sometimes, the lines are clear:

• if you want to speed, and the laws of the land prohibit that, you are subject to fines (and perhaps more) when you break the rule.
• if your boss wants you to complete payroll by Friday, your refusal may put your job at risk.
• if you want to shop, but the mall is closed - too bad for you.
• if you want to lose 20 pounds (or 5 or 40 or 100) by tomorrow, the laws of biology and physics won't let you.

But sometimes, you have choices.

• when the guy you like doesn't like you to the same degree - do you walk away? fight to change his mind? accept the friendship for what it is?
• when medical school doesn't let you in, do you take the MCATs again? apply to school in Guam? apply to be a physician's assistant instead?
• when your boss passes you over for promotion, do you leave the firm? push for more responsibility from other avenues? settle back into your current position?
• when your travel buddy wants to camp in the Adirondacks, and you want to relax in the tropics, do you book a single flight to the Caribbean? pack your camping gear? plan a week of each?

In the Africa of Dr. Doolittle (who really lived in Puddleby-by-the Marsh), the pushmi-pullyus were the rarest animal of all. A "gazelle-unicorn cross," it was "the only animal in the world with two heads" - one of each on each end. Lack of coordination between the heads meant that each pushed for its own direction, and attempted to pull the other along with it. Since the other side was doing the same, stasis was more commonly achieved than purposeful movement. Compromise wasn't really in the cards.

http://satisfactorycomics.blogspot.co.il/2012/01/alphabeasts-p-is-for-pushmi-pullyu.html

I fear that, too often, when what I want counters what the other person wants, we don't really manage a meeting of the minds. Either, I accept the other's approach (a.k.a., "giving in") or I can walk away (which never really serves my purpose either). I'd rather see compromise (since I'm not really comfortable being on the receiving end of someone giving in). Better yet - in fact, best of all - is when the other person comes around to my way of thinking on his or her own (though he or she likely would prefer the same of me and my thinking).

The Perils of Caution

How risk-averse are you? How adventuresome are you? Is that a conscious decision? Would you rather jump into the unknown? Would you rather remain calm?

Over the years, I've discovered that I'm not as risk-averse as I thought I was. Rather, for the right reasons, I'm able to take risks. Bungee-jumping still holds no appeal. Gambling all my money - no appeal there either. But emotional risks - I'm all for 'em. And even some physical challenges - I've discovered that I can do what I need to when I need to, if I really need to. And yes, that is indeed a very conscious decision.

So too, these days, when the risk seems too great to bear, I have no shame in being averse to it. The unknown factor, of course, is how risky the given venture is. And when to bear it and when to avoid. Because missing out might be a serious shame (even if you don't have FOMO - aka: Fear Of Missing Out). And because suffering the dangerous consequences of a real risk gone wrong are likely never worth it.

Excuses, Excuses

In a country with socialized medicine and some remnants of a seriously socialist society, when an employee has a doctor's appointment, it is considered an "excused absence" from work. The employee must procure a "doctor's note" demonstrating that he or she was indeed a patient, and then the powers-that-be at the place of employment excuse some measure of absence. The doctors know about this, and dole them out as a matter of course (when the patient remembers to ask).

As it happens, today, I had an appointment with the dermatologist (all clear, thank God). I forgot to ask for a note. I called the office and asked the secretary to fax the note - which she agreed to do. I have heard no report of its arrival, however. No matter - I'll get that note eventually. Right now, I'm busier trying to figure out how much "excused absence" I can take.

The maximum is three hours. But I only arrived to work two hours later than I prefer to arrive. But sometimes, I arrive later than I prefer to arrive...so I am ambivalent about taking two hours, when, hypothetically, I might have been late - and perhaps only "entitled" to counting one hour as the excused absence. Though I wasn't actually late that way - since I wasn't at work at all, to be late. Rather, I was at the doctor's office!

I have another half-hour or so to decide whether I work a seven hour day or more (the normal requirement, when no doctors have been visited, is nine hours).

Tick tock....tick tock...

Bad Choices: Want vs. Should

It's been quite a week, and I haven't sufficiently stuck to my plan to blog every day of June (which is a wimpy way of acknowledging that I haven't blogged every day of June). I believe it boils down to choosing what I want to do in that given moment that could have been dedicated to blogging, as compared to doing what I "should" do - namely, what I really want to be doing (blogging), though perhaps not at that moment when it rolls around.

So too now. I'm writing this blog when I really should be doing some academic work. And what I want to be doing is taking a nap. So the "should" is getting lost...and there's no question that that is a bad choice. Even though it's the desirable one at the moment.

Apparently, the long-term vs. short-term factor has been noted by others who know more about this particular decision-making phenomenon (I mean, scientifically and all) than I do.

http://jimmybook.com/relationships/what-do-i-want-to-be-remembered-for/
(I could probably use this comic every single day!)

The Problem with Momentum...

...is depending on it.

Namely, the momentum of writing each day of this month was serving me well. Until sleep won yesterday, even before I'd made a conscious decision to defer blogging.

Yesterday's decision indeed pertains to momentum, however. That is, the notion of continuing what you've begun because you've begun it and therefore can continue.

The most prominent application of this "continuing" yesterday (when this post should have been written) was exercise in the face of the wall of wanting to sleep instead. Pilates, as it happens. I did not have my usual strength - I really have been bone tired. But I kept going and certainly felt better afterwards - both physically and for keeping up the routine (having a great instructor doesn't hurt either).

http://www.beyondthebodypilates.com/

How about you? Is there anything that momentum gets you to do? Are you glad? Would you rather stop?

Catching Up....

First on sleep - that's tonight's decision.
Next, on the blogposts from when I was away.
Stay tuned (and my apologies for the delay).


Sleep well, everyone.

La Tour Eiffel

The decision is easy - do what you can, when in France.  Even when that means running out the door after shabbos ends at 11:03 - to see the Eiffel Tower before the tickets for the elevator to the top are no longer sold.  Except that they were no longer sold when we got there anyway.

http://photocompetition.upclive.com/seo/photo/645976/tour_eiffel/tour_eiffel_nuit.html

More on this post (that belongs to yesterday's date - but note what I was doing during the hour when I could have posted it on June 16) later, when tricky WiFi is not an issue.

Tired Feet

I'm finding that I'm liking Paris. For those of you who have been here, that's probably not a surprise. Me, I'm not sure what I was expecting. Perhaps it is the seven years of French that I've forgotten that make me feel "at home." Certainly, trudging on my tired feet to see the golden palace of Louis IV that I memorized so much about back in those junior high days was a good decision (no matter that my feet didn't thank me later). In the context of that ongoing question of when should one push oneself and when should one let up, Versailles is a "push yourself" kind of day (and I'm grateful that I'm plenty physically able to do so, tired feet and all). (pics to be added when I have easier WiFi access) The place gives new meaning to the word, "chateau," however. Or at least, I rarely (sic) that original "palace" meaning.

Summer in Paris

With what was nearly a spur-of-the-moment decision, I arrived in Paris this morning to join my sister and her family (that's my brother-in-law, my niece, and my nephew) on their vacation. I don't have that much time here, and it's by no means an idea to see the city. But it might be the ideal way to spend time with family....

I should note that the Paris time zone is an hour behind the Jerusalem time zone. So despite the fact that this post is dated Friday, June 15 - in my experience of today, it is still Thursday, June 14.

Today, Luxemborg Gardens, Musee d'Orsay, and a whole lot of fun playground time with the kids. Tomorrow, Versailles. And hopefully some Eiffel Tower at night. Stay tuned for pictures of that....

Quick: Home-body or Get-Up-and-Go?

At the moment, I'm very tired, so it's hard to remember that my decision all week was that at this very moment, I was going to be up and going....

There's a light festival in the Old City of Jerusalem. Every year, I'm busy with something else. This year is no exception, except that I decided it would be. And despite a hectic week, and a crowded night, my plan was to make it to the Old City. That is, I was going to be ready to leave for the sights (and sounds) by 9:00 PM.

The bad choice was last night - when, despite that very long list of things to do...I did other things...and didn't fall asleep until close to 3:00 AM. That's really only a problem because I was up at 5:35...and out an hour later.

For the record, that gave me the schedule I planned for myself for today. It just wasn't as fun as it was supposed to be. Because I was too tired...

Which makes me realize that staying home now is indeed the better part of wisdom, as I'm too tired to jump into the experience (a few hours' walk through the Jewish Quarter of the Old City). Instead, take a look at this picture, which is the locale that enticed me to want to go see what's what. I saw this place in the daylight at least three times in the past 10 days. So here is what I'm missing:

What Comes First?

When the list of things to do is just so darn long....

Decisions...decisions...

More later.

Here's a few details a little later:
I'm supposed to be going away for 4 days, as of Thursday early morning. I have a good number of things to do in preparation for the trip (and, since I keep jotting down more as I think of them, that number is growing). I also have the "regularly scheduled program," and that would have been hectic without adding in the trip. So the list is just too darn long. Perhaps by this time tomorrow night, I'll be able to report back that I got everything done. But I wouldn't stay tuned if that's all you want to see - I mean, when does that ever happen?

In fact, if I did finish truly everything on the list, I'd worry that my list wasn't long enough (but that's a story for another day, and besides, it doesn't happen).

You Can Pick Your Friends...

...and sometimes, they pick you.

Periodically, I marvel at the company I am lucky enough to keep. People who are kind, intelligent, humble. People who laugh with me, and only at me when I deserve it. People who impress me and inspire me and rally me to be the better version of myself. Sometimes, I'm envious - though I don't want to be anyone but me. I'm envious of the maximizing of self that I don't always muster.

Puppy Huskies
Seward, Alaska - June 21, 2010

There's a claim: Woe unto the wicked person, and woe unto his neighbor. And the corollary: Good unto the righteous person, good unto his neighbor.

I'm glad to be the "neighbor" of so many righteous people. Their "good" rubs of on me, as does their goodness. I believe I reciprocate in turn (this is not a beat-myself-up-fest). Just a note of appreciation to those who are oh so very good to me and for me. And a note of pride for myself - that at least I know how to pick 'em!

Tonight, I spent some time with two of those super-duper excellent friends, each impressive in her own right, for different reasons. And one of whom gave me the chills by recalling events of more than twenty years ago - events that in and of themselves acknowledge exactly the kind of circle I'm describing, that I'm proud to be a part of.

When Decisions Are More Than You Expect

All that money-saving I described the other day makes a friend of mine feel like she's taking charge of the situation - namely, being able to choose cell phone carriers and so on means that she no longer feels that she is at the mercy (or lack thereof) of big companies.

Today, I had a similar "take-charge" decision. That is - I decided a while ago to do Q, because it made sense in the context of the greater picture. Today, I began implementing Q. That followed naturally from the decision. At some point (lo and behold, today), I would actually have to follow through, or what gain did that decision get me?

Actually, a lot more than I counted on.

In moving forward in a path of my choosing (the aforesaid Q), I was taking charge of the situation - though I didn't realize it until after I began the process today. Not that I need to be in charge. It's not a "control thing." It's that sometimes things seem to be spinning out of control, and when you feel buffeted by forces beyond your control, it's a real relief when you discover you can do something about those forces after all. At least, to some extent. Apparently, this takes place even when you only plan a humdrum decision. But in the right context, you take back yourself, it seems. At least, to some extent.

It's a pretty excellent feeling - even when some measure of that is surely mythical in the long run.

Guesting and Hosting

It's a skill, you know, to be a good guest. To bring a gift. To inform your hosts of any allergies (before arrival). To not overstay your welcome. Or annoy your hosts. To offer to help, but not insist too much if your offer is declined. To strip the bed when you leave - unless you know your hosts want you to leave the linen on (some people do want this). To thank your hosts.

It's a skill also, you know, to be a good host. To make your guests feel at home, or at least not awkward. To talk to them. To guide them regarding the practices of the home, rather than leaving them to fend for themselves (that goes for food too). To provide clean linen and towels. To say "goodbye" and "come again" when they leave, so that there's an actual leave-taking that ends the visit.

I have been a guest often, and a host often enough. These details are only the tip of the iceberg (a friend and I have designed a guesting/hosting course that would surely put Miss Manners to shame, if we were ever to offer it). Sometimes, how to be a good guest, or a good host, is not clear. There are times when several options are viable, and you must choose.

I made several such choices today. Nothing dramatic or impressive. Just part of a regular visit away from home with old friends. Always, there's something to decide, even when either decision would work.

Cutting Costs

When you want more money, but your salary won't be raised (this year), and you don't live lavishly, what's there to do?

You can decide to cut costs wherever you can - even when you think you can't.

Several new developments have made my ability to cut costs these days easier.

1. The new cell phone wars in Israel mean that by changing my provider, I save a whopping amount;
2. The electrical company (in Israel) has issued a challenge to cut usage by offering a reward of a discount if certain thresholds are met;
3. A review of old phone bills, internet provider bills, and so on reveals that I can eliminate long-forgotten regular charges;
4. Doing away with an old email account that posts $14.95 to my credit card every month (I've been wanting to get rid of it for a long time, but now it's part of the "carpe diem" (or carpe mammon, as the case may be).
5. Job perks, including a discounted lunch, can be maximized, yielding - yup - a free lunch.

Obviously, the decision to save money - cut costs, whatever - didn't take place in a day. All of these details take time to collect and act upon. But I just received notification that my cell phone transfer has taken effect (I have to change the SIM card to be sure), and one of today's tasks is finishing up with #3 and #4 above).

I'm not in favor of being a skinflint, but saving money at every corner that you can is a choice I'm proud to act on.

PS: As far as yesterday went, the good in the bad turned out to be only good. Fortunately, not a "bad choice" in the end.

Bad Choices: When There Is Good in the Bad

Timing and circumstances aren't always ideal. Sometimes, they're downright unfortunate. But when opportunity comes knocking, should you let it in? When is it the devil? When is it what you've been waiting for - though you might have designed things differently?

Several times in my life, I've taken the opportunity that presented itself - when details were good, and officially what I wanted. Even hindsight isn't sufficiently clear-sighed to tell me whether those decisions were truly bad choices. There was so much good in the bad.

Perhaps every day poses these puzzles. Today's, for me, still remains to be seen - a bit. Whether things will pan out. If they do, perhaps I'll report back. If they don't, well, then there's no need to consider the good in the bad, for there's reason to worry that the decision was bad to begin with.

A lot of mumbo jumbo, I know. But if it were clear and easy, I wouldn't be considering the labyrinth in its wake.

Choosing Calm

Given the time and place of my birth (and residence thereafter), I was not likely to ever hear an air raid siren. Nor did I.

There's an expression in Hebrew: משנה מקום משנה מזל -- if you change your place, you'll change your luck. Well, in this case, I would hope not.

But....I now have a gas mask in my house (though, thankfully, I have never opened the box, and I pray that I will never have reason to do so). And today, while in the Old City of Jerusalem, I heard a unidentified siren for what must have been a minute or two, but maybe felt longer at the time.

Apparently, it was a drill of some kind.

At the time, I was with a number of 18-year-old girls. They did not react with equanimity, but scurried out of the room, and then stopped, unsure of what to do next (hey, it's better than hiding under the desk when that's not protocol, I suppose).

The adults on the scene (me and a friend) looked at each other, and acknowledged to each other that we didn't know what the siren was about. Hypothetically, it was a nerve-wracking situation. Especially since my friend is usually notified when the powers-that-be are conducting drills. The fact that she didn't know about it advance suggested...ideas that we didn't want to think about.

Still, I choose calm (or want to). Today, I did. I ushered the nervous girls back into the room. I assured them that we shouldn't worry (it wouldn't do any good, even if there had - God forbid - been reason for it). And we continued what we'd be doing.

Indeed, it was a drill of some kind.

The irony is that earlier today, I was given excellent advice about defusing a different kind of alarm - namely, don't react, but remain calm. I like the plan. It's a good choice.

So Many Choices...

...so little time!

Today, someone I haven't seen in years mentioned that she would be in my neighborhood, and would I like to meet her for coffee - to catch up.

Of course, I would LIKE to do such a thing. But Tuesday nights - at present - are jam-packed. From 8:00 PM - 9:00 PM, I host a gathering in my house.  From 8:30 PM - 10:00 PM, I'm expected to attend a gathering in someone else's house (the respective purposes of these "gatherings" are irrelevant to the question of competing events at the same time - when you want to do both. And to top it off, my watch is being temperamental, which means I am less likely to succeed in my attempts to handle time responsibly!

Don't think I wanted to have this conflict. I suggested to the late-comer to my schedule that we meet on a different night. That wasn't good for anyone else. So be it - now, I run from one thing to the next (the earlier commitment now begins (and ends!) 5 minutes earlier, and I arrive at the later commitment later than ever before, but there).

Or at least, that's been the theory. In practice? Not so much. The earlier overwhelmed the later, and  of course, there are always more tasks to be done at home that deter leaving. Tonight, the theory became the practice, when I decided - I'm going!

Being able to do everything is clearly preferable. I am not blessed, however, with a high tolerance for leaving one thing early and arriving at the next thing late. I know people who do this - and they seem be to able to manage it all. I'd rather be able to arrive on time (not crazy early, though) for everything. That would have been my preference tonight too, but it was not the choice at hand.

Bottom line: I'm glad I did both.

Wimping Out

When you're having "one of those days" - you know, the kind where you think you'll move to Australia (apparently, in Australia and New Zealand, you might rather move to Timbuktu in Mali) - what do you do?

Do you bite everyone's head off?
Do you curl up and pull the covers over your head?
Do you call Mom (or your best friend, or your therapist, whomever)?
Do you go running (or boxing, for that matter)?
Do you bite the bullet and tootle on your merry way (ignoring the way to Australia, I mean)?
Do you address whatever ills made it "one of those days" to begin with?
Do you do something to make your day better?

I'd like to think I'd do that last option. Or the second-to-last one. Or even the one before that. But today, I wimped out (perhaps for the protection of myself and the others who were caught in the maelstrom). Since I couldn't pick up and take myself "down under," I decided to pick myself up and leave work earlier than I would have otherwise. I stomped around a bit, and spewed about the events that corrupted my day (beginning with some whopping mosquito bites last night).

Finally, I sat myself down to a cuppa, and refocused myself for the evening. The leavings and gleanings of the day aren't over, but maybe the storm has broken.

PS: The day wasn't all bad - I did receive some incredibly nice compliments...

Cherries and More

It seems like it's the age-old question: "What's for dinner, Mom?" The knowing is what's important - even when you don't like the menu, you stop pestering once you know. Your question has been answered, and even when you want to whine, you know that the meal will be as it was planned.

What do you do when you're the one deciding what's for dinner? When there's nobody but yourself to ask? And when you have several options in your cupboard (or refrigerator, as the case may be)? When you want nutrition and taste, and delicacy and comfort, and you don't really want to cook, after all?

If you're me, tonight, you have leftovers and cherries - and consider them both delectable, in part, thanks to the other. Most nutrition of tonight's meal came from the leftovers - meat and lentils, with both protein and iron. But the fun of the evening - that belongs to the cherries. Early in the season, the novelty of the deep, dark red juice staining my thumb and forefinger excites, and the tangy sweetness refreshes.

Now, what about tomorrow? The erstwhile dinner question already waiting to be answered...

To Sleep or Not to Sleep?

Not-sleeping isn't really an option for the long term. But in one given day, there may be possibilities of napping or not-napping.

Today, I opted for sleeping, though at the time, I didn't pay attention to it being a choice. I was reading, and then I was sleeping...I was sneezing, and then it made sense to lie down. I have the feeling that my decision to skip coffee in the morning contributed to the inclination to doze later on. But yesterday, I did plan on sleeping today for the sake of being productive on other fronts tonight, so stage 1 of that decision saw its fulfillment. The question is whether sleeping breeds sleeping, which would not bode well for stage 2.

Maybe I'll have that coffee now...!

In the Merry Merry Month of......June?

I've decided to give myself the "Choices Challenge." Namely: my claim is that every day is a series of decisions, great and small. So each day of June (consciously 30 days), I intend to write about one of the many decisions of the day (I'll work the "features" in, never fear).

---------------------------

Did you ever want to be someone you aren't? Pretty sure everyone breathing has, at some time or other. Did you ever want to be the person you know yourself to be, but feel you aren't at that moment? Assuredly, this imbalance may be felt in all kinds of serious matters. Me, I'm just wondering where my blonde highlights went. When I was little, my hair was dirty blonde. Then, it darkened to light brown. Then it darkened to brown, but at least I had blonde highlights with a bit of red (more blonde, though). It was interesting - or a little bit interesting, when examined closely. Caught the light, and all that. Now, though, my hair is plain old brown. Not a bad color as colors go. Not as dull as it could be. But nothing intriguing either, not even from an angle. I'm hoping that some lemon juice and Jerusalem sun will retrieve them from their hiding place.

NOT me.
My hair is a lot longer, but these colors are what I mean by "interesting," and remind me of my old self.

(The day's decision, if you missed it, was to douse myself with lemon juice before running errands in the sunshine.)

A merry month to you!