Good Deed of the Day

This is not a moralizing post. I'm just pleased that I decided to overcome my baser (shyer) instincts, and succeeded.

This morning, as I rode the bus to work, I saw - thought I saw - a man's hat drop from inside his hood to the floor behind him. Notice it! I thought to myself. But he didn't.

Let me explain that even in a friendly country where everyone takes your business to be their own, I have a hard time approaching strangers to comment on their well-being.

I decided I would tell the man he'd dropped his hat when he stood up to get off the bus (my stop is second-to-last). But he didn't stand up. And some woman sat in the seat behind him where his hat lay on the floor, against the wall of the bus.

You know the image of the little angel on one shoulder and the little devil on the other? Well, finally, the angel won.

I stood a moment earlier than my stop and approached the man in his seat: Sir...sir? It seems that your hat has fallen. He scrounged around, found it, and thanked me.

http://www.flickr.com/groups/vintage_advertising/pool/page91/?view=lg

We all (I hope) do some good every day, whether we think about it or not. What good did you decide to do today?

Experiencing the Sudden Blurts

I start with the mistaken premise that people make decisions in the same way.

I refine this premise when I recall that some people are more swayed by their emotions and some people are more rational - specifically with regard to how they make decisions (some of the most rational people rely on their emotions for their decisions, and emotional people certainly exercise their powers of reason when they make their choices).

I think I'd like to characterize the "rational decision-making" as "slow" and the "emotional decision-making" as "quick," even though the process for the key players may take equal amounts of time (fast or slow, depending on all of the factors that every decision may depend on).

I'm particularly struck by this difference because of some decisions I had to make myself a three months ago. I wasn't sure what I wanted, I then was pretty sure what I wanted, but I couldn't act on it until I was truly sure, and then, I was sure, and took action (not very active action - just sending an email). I made the decision knowing that I couldn't know whether the outcome I wanted would happen (more than just the receipt of the email, obviously), but I couldn't have made the decision without knowing what I hoped for.

Time, I figured, would take care of the rest.

Except the backdrop against which I'd done my thinking and acting changed. My experience of that change was a sudden denouement (how can a denouement be sudden? trust me on this - it can). Where the reflection that went into the action that precipitated the change may have been in the works for a while, but it was behind the scenes. That is, my experience was that of a conclusion brought to my attention in blurted out spurts.

I respect the honesty that underlies that approach. It has the disadvantage of not being measured in delivery. It also has the disadvantage (for me) of not including me in the process. Not that everyone always does, or even can - I realize that. I realize also that the results of my own decision a couple of months ago (that email) came as a surprise to its recipient. Perhaps an email that arrives out of the blue, even when you think you want it to, even when you feel "blessed" by virtue of my decision, and even when you've been consulted as to whether you're amenable, is experienced as a sudden blurt as well.

I know that most decisions are made instantly by means of emotion (more on this in another post). But since I'm prone to "thinking things through" - a.k.a. agonizing - it is particularly challenging to bear the brunt of the quick result.

Of course, time will still take care of the rest.

Other People's Calls

I've written several times on the impact of making a decision in the context of those made by others. It's one of the hardest aspects of hashing through your issues and arriving at your own independent conclusions. That is, no matter how much painful effort you make, you may soon discover that your investment matters not a whit. Well, maybe a whit - you wouldn't be who you are without the decisions  you make. But if the university of your choice, or the profession you desire, or the raise you deserve are not available to you, then it doesn't matter that you figured out what would be best for you.

Every so often, we have the chance to tell "others" what we think of their decisions. Especially when their decisions pertain to our own (when they are less removed than a university acceptance committee, or the like). Admittedly, this is not always a good idea. Nobody wants to be called a fool - no matter how foolish you've assessed them to be. And, of course, anyone who concludes differently from ME is surely a fool, no? To my mind, that is an exaggeration; sometimes, we have the opportunity to agree to disagree. But if your decision contradicts my hard-won conclusion, then I'm going to be hard-pressed to think you're right. You may be entitled to your position, but that doesn't mean I'm going to think it's a good one. I might even do everything I can to help you see things my way. Attempting to reverse another is not particularly respectful, of course. But despite my general interest in wanting people to think and do whatever it is that they want themselves to think and do, it's near impossible (for me, anyway) to refrain from correcting the undesirable outcome that contradicts my own conclusions - when it has impact on me, I mean.

Yes, one such conflict hit me over the head the other day. I'm not seeing stars. I'm not even sure I'm reeling. But I'm hard-pressed to relinquish my perception of what I think ought to transpire, despite the fact that the choice may well be out of my hands.

http://fantasystock.deviantart.com/art/Male-and-Female-Hands-Set-06-50386071

Misinformation

I'm not sure if it's fair to call the absence of correct information "misinformation," since the deliberate misleading factor is missing...but I will say that it is very difficult to make good decisions in the absence of accurate information.

For example, this morning.

I woke up, got out of bed...and out of the house very early. I needed two items for my day that I did not have at home, and would not be able to obtain at work. A variety of options presented themselves:

a) I could stop at the makolet (convenience store). They open at 7:00 AM, and if I rushed, I could probably even make the 7:20-ish bus. But the makolet is expensive.

b) I could stop at the slightly-further-away neighborhood supermarket. They open at 6:30 AM (I think), and if I missed the 7:20 bus, the supermarket places me on my way to other buses, so any real delay would be unlikely. But they're also expensive.

Instead, I decided to be "smart."

c) The office complex where I spend much of my working hours is across the street from a major mall. The mall has a supermarket on its ground floor. That supermarket, though by no means the cheapest in the city, was likely to have better prices than the neighborhood supermarket, and by going there, I'd certainly make my early bus...and get in to work quickly.

Indeed, I made the early bus. I sat one additional stop, getting off at the mall, crossed the street, and entered through the garage, heading to the mall supermarket. The time was 7:40...as I discovered when the security guard at the gated entrance to the supermarket told me that the store only opens at 8:00 AM.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/mlrs193/6015396482/

If I'd only but known...