Perhaps when kids are doing what they want to do, even if their friends are doing it too (and even when they need the encouragement of their friends to do what they want to do).
When the concept of peer pressure was explained to me as a kid, and with the standard exhortations and warnings not to fall prey to it, the example was drugs - if I recall correctly (even if I don't, drugs is a good example of when not to give in to peer pressure). "Just say no" became a slogan, far beyond the Nike campaign, to all kinds of unwanted (perhaps even wanted) sexual activity in magazines for teenage girls.
A lot of cyber-ink has been virtually spilled over teenage practice when it conflicts with the behavior preferred by the adults (parents and teachers and clergy) responsible for those teens. The question is how much of that activity is the result of pressure from peers and how much derives from the initiative of each individual teenager (even in being part of the group)?
One recent example that highlights this divergence, I believe, is the newly-labeled "half-Shabbos," for teens who are raised in Orthodox Jewish homes, and are expected to comply with the Orthodox Jewish standards for Sabbath observance, but do not, in one particular and particularly insidious way: they txt. That is, they use their ubiquitous cell phones to send text messages to each other over the course of the Jewish Sabbath, when the accepted Orthodox standard is to refrain from using electronic devices from dusk on Friday night to sundown on Saturday night. The Orthodox standard is sometimes honored more in the breach than in the observance by adults who would label themselves "Orthodox," but this concern emerges from those adults who sincerely adhere to the Jewish laws, even when the practices fly in the face of people's intuitive comfort zone.
It is for good reason that the parents and teachers/clergy who are responsible for these teens are concerned about their breach of Sabbath observance. The main reason for upset is surely for the desecration of the Sabbath, in any way. But some aspect of the tableau is worry against future desecration: the slippery slope of inattention to the sanctity of the Sabbath.
Perhaps that diagnosis is accurate, and the fear for the next generation of Sabbath-observant Jews is warranted. After all, society is changing fast, in accord with new technology, such that texting is an addictive scourge for some adults as well. But I would wager that the kids who are texting on the day of rest are not acting out of spite or malice. Rather, I would guess that they simply want to be in touch with their friends in such an overpowering way, with such a fear of missing out, that they succumb to their baser texting desires.
Not good, surely. Not a true appreciation of the value of a day off from the ever-present lure of being available. But not quite the same as actively denigrating the Sabbath day.
I'm not excusing it. I'm just saying that teenagers are far more likely to prioritize talking to their friends than they are likely to appreciate the benefits of "unplugging" for a day each week. I mean, what teen really wants to miss out on whatever communication their friends are conducting?
Really, we should convince all the kids, including those who are truly not interested in observing the Sabbath to desist from texting each week. That way, those who are Sabbath-observant would have less to entice them to use the electronic devices by which they violate the Sabbath (aka cell phones).
I was lucky. I was never particularly pressured to do anything I didn't want to do. Or if I was, I was stubborn enough in my own sense of what I thought was right for me to do that I didn't notice it as "pressure." But the desire to do what my peers were doing - yes, that I felt. Whether it was a matter of fashion (e.g., the colorful Benetton vests that were de rigueur but quite expensive), or socializing (going for pizza on a Friday afternoon), or just being in "the know." But my desire to be fully part of the goings on of my peers was my own. Nobody was pushing me to wear a Benetton vest, after all - and I never did, except for one afternoon, when I was cold, and a friend (whose name I barely remember, if I do) lent me hers. My mother freely acknowledges that she did not grasp the importance of my need to follow the madding crowd. I suppose I'm individualistic enough that when I wanted to "fit in," it was all the more important that I do so, even if Mom did not agree.
My point is that the choice to follow the crowd can surely be a valid choice - even when the parents and the teachers don't like it. Moreover, the priorities of teenagers are likely to change as they become adults - as they surely did for the parents and teachers of those same teens. The issues (of Sabbath observance, for example) are incredibly important. I do not mean to diminish them in any way - I am as dismayed as the rest of the adults who are dismayed. At the same time, I understand why the kids who text on the Sabbath are choosing to text. Moreover, it is not at all clear to me that they are actively, consciously choosing to violate the rest of the day, though they know the law that prohibits them from texting.
This post hit home as I have several cousins who have been dealing with a lot of religious ambivalence of late. Do you really think they just can't hold out and simply must feel connected. We had phones and were able to take a break. I remember our phone ringing every shabbos before my father had finished havdalah. It was my friend Sarah, trying not to allow another second to pass as we had already endured a long enough period of disconnect for teenage girls. But we did hold out. It all just makes me very sad.
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