That is, the solace when things do not turn out as you choose.
Not the little things, where one can say, "too bad for me." But the bigger deals...Where, after all kinds of deliberation, or flipping a coin, when the decision is made, and strides are taken to accomplish the particular goal....the turn of events may still be other than you choose.
If you find your dream house, scramble together financing, agonize whether you can afford the effort, grip yourself for the long-term commitment, make your offer...the deal may not go through. Your decision, though a prerequisite to the purchase, isn't the deciding factor.
If you and your spouse bite the bullet, and decide it's time for kids...Similarly, you figure out the finances (or decide it's irrelevant, as you want to have children regardless), accept the challenges of pregnancy (not to mention labor), throw away the birth control, even calculate the ovulation cycle....conceiving may take longer than you wish (and it may involve technology that takes all the fun out of the propagation of the species).
If you decide on your profession (doctor, lawyer, academic, chimney sweep), you take all the prerequisites courses, you attend the appropriate graduate school (and work really really hard)...pass your boards...get a job....your profession may not treat you as well as you expected. The job may be more grueling or less fun than you anticipated. You may be thwarted by factors beyond your control (the boss's nephew needs a promotion; your advisor dies; the economy changes and your industry no longer needs you).
If you decide that the girl (or guy) of your dreams is indeed the girl (or guy) of your dreams, wine her (him), dine her (him), whisper all kinds of sweet nothings...progress in the relationship down a serious path....you may still discover that you are not in her (his) dreams in the same way. Your recognition of your soul mate only works when she (he) views you in kind.
It's true of nearly anything that you decide. No matter how much you plan, no matter how much you prepare, no matter how hard you work for your goal....your choice for yourself is not only up to you. Nearly never. If you are a perfectionist, you are likely to work harder. And if you time your cards right, with the perfect degree of patience and ingenuity, you may indeed achieve your plan. But even the perfectionists among us can't control the external factors that seem to conspire against us.
So, from whence solace? If "magical thinking" isn't working...that is, if you can't convince yourself that the undesired outcome is the better one for you, in the long run, even when you don't see why.
Perhaps the solace comes from recognizing that you did everything you were "supposed" to do. You went through all the motions - seriously. You undertook the decision, and you acted on it, with the intent of carrying it out. If forces beyond your control conspire against you, whether in the form of an act of God or another's foibles, well, at least you know that you made your decision and you followed it through. The comfort is knowing that you did everything you possibly could to achieve your desire. If it doesn't happen, that is a shame, and disappointing, and sometimes heartbreaking. But you may take refuge in the knowledge that when things fell apart (or just didn't work out), it wasn't because you didn't try, or didn't care, or didn't follow through on your choice. At a certain point (after all is said and done), everything is truly out of our hands - if only because of the many factors involved in every single little thing (how much more so, the big things).
Humility is recognizing our strengths and also our weaknesses. We step back and say - we gave it our all. That is our strength. When we are forced to recognize that our strength isn't enough - that is our weakness. A crying shame to have to admit to. Disappointment, to be sure. But solace in that we worked our strengths to achieve our goals. The rest is simply beyond.
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