The Big Ones

One might argue that every choice we make changes our lives. One would be right, but that doesn't make every choice count as a "life-changing decision." The big ones are the ones for which I would like that window to the future. In the continued absence of reliable prophecy in my life, however, I'd like to recognize that not all "big decisions" are made in the same way, even by the same people.

Some decisions are weighed carefully, pros and cons, ad nauseum.
Some decisions are transferred to experts, for their valued opinions.
Some decisions are deferred until the default becomes the decision.
Some decisions are made impulsively - yes, even the big ones. Sometimes, especially them.
Some decisions are so difficult to make that they aren't decided; just carried out.
Some decisions aren't made - they are simply that obvious a course of action. No thinking required.

Personally, I most often weigh my decisions carefully, ad nauseum. In the process, I tend to search out the opinions of others, sometimes because I value their input, and sometimes because I know I will "know my own mind" by means of my reaction to their views.  I have, on occasion, made big decisions without thinking - perhaps being impulsive (alternatively, "going with my gut").  Rarely, if ever, am I willing to ignore the fact that decision remains to be made, and let the status quo reign (unless I've consciously decided to go with the status quo, of course).

The advantage of being an "active decision-maker," is that I'm rarely caught unawares.  Thinking through every angle of an option removes a lot of the surprises that might result otherwise. The disadvantage is that I remain aware of the pros and cons of my choice.  For most of my life, I have rarely had reason to rethink myself (after all that deliberation). I am generally left with the power of my own convictions.  But I wonder if I'm ever as "gung-ho" about anything as those who don't examine all the angles are able to be.  Moreover, of late, I find that I can blame this personality of mine for (sometimes) bequeathing me with decisions that I know I have made well, yet somehow remain ambivalent about.  This is new.  Moreover, I may (perhaps) be hampered in my ability to be as enamored of the things I have chosen -- despite the care that informs my choice.

Big decisions are just that -- BIG.  People get cold feet before their weddings. Moving house is traumatic.  When my sister was asked when she and her husband were going to start a family, she answered that they'd be getting a dog first (for the record, that didn't happen, but kids are most definitely a life-changing big "decision," even when the desire to have them is a given).  Making life-changes, even when you know what you want, and want it desperately, often takes time.  Still, when the desire to live out your dreams is burning, then the choices along the way to the dream can be rendered incidental.  When you have many dreams, however, and the ability to live them is not entirely under your control (it never is), the desire is inherently more complicated, and the choices are anything but incidental.  Then, the big decisions must be made - consciously, deliberately, and often with ambivalence. Thus, we grab the proverbial bull by its proverbial horns, and await the results and consequences of our choices.  It doesn't nullify ambivalence.  But, actually, it's not a bad way to live with confidence.