Push Me, Pull You?

When things are "all about you," you can make the decisions for yourself - not only are you able to do so, but you must, because nobody else will make them for you (inertia being a tacit decision not to make a decision, of course). The weather might complicate your wishes, but, for the most part, you can have things go your way.

For example: the order of your tasks for the day; whether to clean the car; when to buy and sell (you may be subject to the whims of the market, but how you react is up to you); how much time to spend outdoors; and so on.

So many things, however, are not "all about you" (or at least, not all about ME).

What happens when what you want runs counter to what someone else wants?

Sometimes, the lines are clear:

• if you want to speed, and the laws of the land prohibit that, you are subject to fines (and perhaps more) when you break the rule.
• if your boss wants you to complete payroll by Friday, your refusal may put your job at risk.
• if you want to shop, but the mall is closed - too bad for you.
• if you want to lose 20 pounds (or 5 or 40 or 100) by tomorrow, the laws of biology and physics won't let you.

But sometimes, you have choices.

• when the guy you like doesn't like you to the same degree - do you walk away? fight to change his mind? accept the friendship for what it is?
• when medical school doesn't let you in, do you take the MCATs again? apply to school in Guam? apply to be a physician's assistant instead?
• when your boss passes you over for promotion, do you leave the firm? push for more responsibility from other avenues? settle back into your current position?
• when your travel buddy wants to camp in the Adirondacks, and you want to relax in the tropics, do you book a single flight to the Caribbean? pack your camping gear? plan a week of each?

In the Africa of Dr. Doolittle (who really lived in Puddleby-by-the Marsh), the pushmi-pullyus were the rarest animal of all. A "gazelle-unicorn cross," it was "the only animal in the world with two heads" - one of each on each end. Lack of coordination between the heads meant that each pushed for its own direction, and attempted to pull the other along with it. Since the other side was doing the same, stasis was more commonly achieved than purposeful movement. Compromise wasn't really in the cards.

http://satisfactorycomics.blogspot.co.il/2012/01/alphabeasts-p-is-for-pushmi-pullyu.html

I fear that, too often, when what I want counters what the other person wants, we don't really manage a meeting of the minds. Either, I accept the other's approach (a.k.a., "giving in") or I can walk away (which never really serves my purpose either). I'd rather see compromise (since I'm not really comfortable being on the receiving end of someone giving in). Better yet - in fact, best of all - is when the other person comes around to my way of thinking on his or her own (though he or she likely would prefer the same of me and my thinking).

The Perils of Caution

How risk-averse are you? How adventuresome are you? Is that a conscious decision? Would you rather jump into the unknown? Would you rather remain calm?

Over the years, I've discovered that I'm not as risk-averse as I thought I was. Rather, for the right reasons, I'm able to take risks. Bungee-jumping still holds no appeal. Gambling all my money - no appeal there either. But emotional risks - I'm all for 'em. And even some physical challenges - I've discovered that I can do what I need to when I need to, if I really need to. And yes, that is indeed a very conscious decision.

So too, these days, when the risk seems too great to bear, I have no shame in being averse to it. The unknown factor, of course, is how risky the given venture is. And when to bear it and when to avoid. Because missing out might be a serious shame (even if you don't have FOMO - aka: Fear Of Missing Out). And because suffering the dangerous consequences of a real risk gone wrong are likely never worth it.

Excuses, Excuses

In a country with socialized medicine and some remnants of a seriously socialist society, when an employee has a doctor's appointment, it is considered an "excused absence" from work. The employee must procure a "doctor's note" demonstrating that he or she was indeed a patient, and then the powers-that-be at the place of employment excuse some measure of absence. The doctors know about this, and dole them out as a matter of course (when the patient remembers to ask).

As it happens, today, I had an appointment with the dermatologist (all clear, thank God). I forgot to ask for a note. I called the office and asked the secretary to fax the note - which she agreed to do. I have heard no report of its arrival, however. No matter - I'll get that note eventually. Right now, I'm busier trying to figure out how much "excused absence" I can take.

The maximum is three hours. But I only arrived to work two hours later than I prefer to arrive. But sometimes, I arrive later than I prefer to arrive...so I am ambivalent about taking two hours, when, hypothetically, I might have been late - and perhaps only "entitled" to counting one hour as the excused absence. Though I wasn't actually late that way - since I wasn't at work at all, to be late. Rather, I was at the doctor's office!

I have another half-hour or so to decide whether I work a seven hour day or more (the normal requirement, when no doctors have been visited, is nine hours).

Tick tock....tick tock...

Bad Choices: Want vs. Should

It's been quite a week, and I haven't sufficiently stuck to my plan to blog every day of June (which is a wimpy way of acknowledging that I haven't blogged every day of June). I believe it boils down to choosing what I want to do in that given moment that could have been dedicated to blogging, as compared to doing what I "should" do - namely, what I really want to be doing (blogging), though perhaps not at that moment when it rolls around.

So too now. I'm writing this blog when I really should be doing some academic work. And what I want to be doing is taking a nap. So the "should" is getting lost...and there's no question that that is a bad choice. Even though it's the desirable one at the moment.

Apparently, the long-term vs. short-term factor has been noted by others who know more about this particular decision-making phenomenon (I mean, scientifically and all) than I do.

http://jimmybook.com/relationships/what-do-i-want-to-be-remembered-for/
(I could probably use this comic every single day!)

The Problem with Momentum...

...is depending on it.

Namely, the momentum of writing each day of this month was serving me well. Until sleep won yesterday, even before I'd made a conscious decision to defer blogging.

Yesterday's decision indeed pertains to momentum, however. That is, the notion of continuing what you've begun because you've begun it and therefore can continue.

The most prominent application of this "continuing" yesterday (when this post should have been written) was exercise in the face of the wall of wanting to sleep instead. Pilates, as it happens. I did not have my usual strength - I really have been bone tired. But I kept going and certainly felt better afterwards - both physically and for keeping up the routine (having a great instructor doesn't hurt either).

http://www.beyondthebodypilates.com/

How about you? Is there anything that momentum gets you to do? Are you glad? Would you rather stop?

Catching Up....

First on sleep - that's tonight's decision.
Next, on the blogposts from when I was away.
Stay tuned (and my apologies for the delay).


Sleep well, everyone.

La Tour Eiffel

The decision is easy - do what you can, when in France.  Even when that means running out the door after shabbos ends at 11:03 - to see the Eiffel Tower before the tickets for the elevator to the top are no longer sold.  Except that they were no longer sold when we got there anyway.

http://photocompetition.upclive.com/seo/photo/645976/tour_eiffel/tour_eiffel_nuit.html

More on this post (that belongs to yesterday's date - but note what I was doing during the hour when I could have posted it on June 16) later, when tricky WiFi is not an issue.

Tired Feet

I'm finding that I'm liking Paris. For those of you who have been here, that's probably not a surprise. Me, I'm not sure what I was expecting. Perhaps it is the seven years of French that I've forgotten that make me feel "at home." Certainly, trudging on my tired feet to see the golden palace of Louis IV that I memorized so much about back in those junior high days was a good decision (no matter that my feet didn't thank me later). In the context of that ongoing question of when should one push oneself and when should one let up, Versailles is a "push yourself" kind of day (and I'm grateful that I'm plenty physically able to do so, tired feet and all). (pics to be added when I have easier WiFi access) The place gives new meaning to the word, "chateau," however. Or at least, I rarely (sic) that original "palace" meaning.

Summer in Paris

With what was nearly a spur-of-the-moment decision, I arrived in Paris this morning to join my sister and her family (that's my brother-in-law, my niece, and my nephew) on their vacation. I don't have that much time here, and it's by no means an idea to see the city. But it might be the ideal way to spend time with family....

I should note that the Paris time zone is an hour behind the Jerusalem time zone. So despite the fact that this post is dated Friday, June 15 - in my experience of today, it is still Thursday, June 14.

Today, Luxemborg Gardens, Musee d'Orsay, and a whole lot of fun playground time with the kids. Tomorrow, Versailles. And hopefully some Eiffel Tower at night. Stay tuned for pictures of that....

Quick: Home-body or Get-Up-and-Go?

At the moment, I'm very tired, so it's hard to remember that my decision all week was that at this very moment, I was going to be up and going....

There's a light festival in the Old City of Jerusalem. Every year, I'm busy with something else. This year is no exception, except that I decided it would be. And despite a hectic week, and a crowded night, my plan was to make it to the Old City. That is, I was going to be ready to leave for the sights (and sounds) by 9:00 PM.

The bad choice was last night - when, despite that very long list of things to do...I did other things...and didn't fall asleep until close to 3:00 AM. That's really only a problem because I was up at 5:35...and out an hour later.

For the record, that gave me the schedule I planned for myself for today. It just wasn't as fun as it was supposed to be. Because I was too tired...

Which makes me realize that staying home now is indeed the better part of wisdom, as I'm too tired to jump into the experience (a few hours' walk through the Jewish Quarter of the Old City). Instead, take a look at this picture, which is the locale that enticed me to want to go see what's what. I saw this place in the daylight at least three times in the past 10 days. So here is what I'm missing: