Guesting and Hosting

It's a skill, you know, to be a good guest. To bring a gift. To inform your hosts of any allergies (before arrival). To not overstay your welcome. Or annoy your hosts. To offer to help, but not insist too much if your offer is declined. To strip the bed when you leave - unless you know your hosts want you to leave the linen on (some people do want this). To thank your hosts.

It's a skill also, you know, to be a good host. To make your guests feel at home, or at least not awkward. To talk to them. To guide them regarding the practices of the home, rather than leaving them to fend for themselves (that goes for food too). To provide clean linen and towels. To say "goodbye" and "come again" when they leave, so that there's an actual leave-taking that ends the visit.

I have been a guest often, and a host often enough. These details are only the tip of the iceberg (a friend and I have designed a guesting/hosting course that would surely put Miss Manners to shame, if we were ever to offer it). Sometimes, how to be a good guest, or a good host, is not clear. There are times when several options are viable, and you must choose.

I made several such choices today. Nothing dramatic or impressive. Just part of a regular visit away from home with old friends. Always, there's something to decide, even when either decision would work.

Cutting Costs

When you want more money, but your salary won't be raised (this year), and you don't live lavishly, what's there to do?

You can decide to cut costs wherever you can - even when you think you can't.

Several new developments have made my ability to cut costs these days easier.

1. The new cell phone wars in Israel mean that by changing my provider, I save a whopping amount;
2. The electrical company (in Israel) has issued a challenge to cut usage by offering a reward of a discount if certain thresholds are met;
3. A review of old phone bills, internet provider bills, and so on reveals that I can eliminate long-forgotten regular charges;
4. Doing away with an old email account that posts $14.95 to my credit card every month (I've been wanting to get rid of it for a long time, but now it's part of the "carpe diem" (or carpe mammon, as the case may be).
5. Job perks, including a discounted lunch, can be maximized, yielding - yup - a free lunch.

Obviously, the decision to save money - cut costs, whatever - didn't take place in a day. All of these details take time to collect and act upon. But I just received notification that my cell phone transfer has taken effect (I have to change the SIM card to be sure), and one of today's tasks is finishing up with #3 and #4 above).

I'm not in favor of being a skinflint, but saving money at every corner that you can is a choice I'm proud to act on.

PS: As far as yesterday went, the good in the bad turned out to be only good. Fortunately, not a "bad choice" in the end.

Bad Choices: When There Is Good in the Bad

Timing and circumstances aren't always ideal. Sometimes, they're downright unfortunate. But when opportunity comes knocking, should you let it in? When is it the devil? When is it what you've been waiting for - though you might have designed things differently?

Several times in my life, I've taken the opportunity that presented itself - when details were good, and officially what I wanted. Even hindsight isn't sufficiently clear-sighed to tell me whether those decisions were truly bad choices. There was so much good in the bad.

Perhaps every day poses these puzzles. Today's, for me, still remains to be seen - a bit. Whether things will pan out. If they do, perhaps I'll report back. If they don't, well, then there's no need to consider the good in the bad, for there's reason to worry that the decision was bad to begin with.

A lot of mumbo jumbo, I know. But if it were clear and easy, I wouldn't be considering the labyrinth in its wake.

Choosing Calm

Given the time and place of my birth (and residence thereafter), I was not likely to ever hear an air raid siren. Nor did I.

There's an expression in Hebrew: משנה מקום משנה מזל -- if you change your place, you'll change your luck. Well, in this case, I would hope not.

But....I now have a gas mask in my house (though, thankfully, I have never opened the box, and I pray that I will never have reason to do so). And today, while in the Old City of Jerusalem, I heard a unidentified siren for what must have been a minute or two, but maybe felt longer at the time.

Apparently, it was a drill of some kind.

At the time, I was with a number of 18-year-old girls. They did not react with equanimity, but scurried out of the room, and then stopped, unsure of what to do next (hey, it's better than hiding under the desk when that's not protocol, I suppose).

The adults on the scene (me and a friend) looked at each other, and acknowledged to each other that we didn't know what the siren was about. Hypothetically, it was a nerve-wracking situation. Especially since my friend is usually notified when the powers-that-be are conducting drills. The fact that she didn't know about it advance suggested...ideas that we didn't want to think about.

Still, I choose calm (or want to). Today, I did. I ushered the nervous girls back into the room. I assured them that we shouldn't worry (it wouldn't do any good, even if there had - God forbid - been reason for it). And we continued what we'd be doing.

Indeed, it was a drill of some kind.

The irony is that earlier today, I was given excellent advice about defusing a different kind of alarm - namely, don't react, but remain calm. I like the plan. It's a good choice.

So Many Choices...

...so little time!

Today, someone I haven't seen in years mentioned that she would be in my neighborhood, and would I like to meet her for coffee - to catch up.

Of course, I would LIKE to do such a thing. But Tuesday nights - at present - are jam-packed. From 8:00 PM - 9:00 PM, I host a gathering in my house.  From 8:30 PM - 10:00 PM, I'm expected to attend a gathering in someone else's house (the respective purposes of these "gatherings" are irrelevant to the question of competing events at the same time - when you want to do both. And to top it off, my watch is being temperamental, which means I am less likely to succeed in my attempts to handle time responsibly!

Don't think I wanted to have this conflict. I suggested to the late-comer to my schedule that we meet on a different night. That wasn't good for anyone else. So be it - now, I run from one thing to the next (the earlier commitment now begins (and ends!) 5 minutes earlier, and I arrive at the later commitment later than ever before, but there).

Or at least, that's been the theory. In practice? Not so much. The earlier overwhelmed the later, and  of course, there are always more tasks to be done at home that deter leaving. Tonight, the theory became the practice, when I decided - I'm going!

Being able to do everything is clearly preferable. I am not blessed, however, with a high tolerance for leaving one thing early and arriving at the next thing late. I know people who do this - and they seem be to able to manage it all. I'd rather be able to arrive on time (not crazy early, though) for everything. That would have been my preference tonight too, but it was not the choice at hand.

Bottom line: I'm glad I did both.

Wimping Out

When you're having "one of those days" - you know, the kind where you think you'll move to Australia (apparently, in Australia and New Zealand, you might rather move to Timbuktu in Mali) - what do you do?

Do you bite everyone's head off?
Do you curl up and pull the covers over your head?
Do you call Mom (or your best friend, or your therapist, whomever)?
Do you go running (or boxing, for that matter)?
Do you bite the bullet and tootle on your merry way (ignoring the way to Australia, I mean)?
Do you address whatever ills made it "one of those days" to begin with?
Do you do something to make your day better?

I'd like to think I'd do that last option. Or the second-to-last one. Or even the one before that. But today, I wimped out (perhaps for the protection of myself and the others who were caught in the maelstrom). Since I couldn't pick up and take myself "down under," I decided to pick myself up and leave work earlier than I would have otherwise. I stomped around a bit, and spewed about the events that corrupted my day (beginning with some whopping mosquito bites last night).

Finally, I sat myself down to a cuppa, and refocused myself for the evening. The leavings and gleanings of the day aren't over, but maybe the storm has broken.

PS: The day wasn't all bad - I did receive some incredibly nice compliments...

Cherries and More

It seems like it's the age-old question: "What's for dinner, Mom?" The knowing is what's important - even when you don't like the menu, you stop pestering once you know. Your question has been answered, and even when you want to whine, you know that the meal will be as it was planned.

What do you do when you're the one deciding what's for dinner? When there's nobody but yourself to ask? And when you have several options in your cupboard (or refrigerator, as the case may be)? When you want nutrition and taste, and delicacy and comfort, and you don't really want to cook, after all?

If you're me, tonight, you have leftovers and cherries - and consider them both delectable, in part, thanks to the other. Most nutrition of tonight's meal came from the leftovers - meat and lentils, with both protein and iron. But the fun of the evening - that belongs to the cherries. Early in the season, the novelty of the deep, dark red juice staining my thumb and forefinger excites, and the tangy sweetness refreshes.

Now, what about tomorrow? The erstwhile dinner question already waiting to be answered...

To Sleep or Not to Sleep?

Not-sleeping isn't really an option for the long term. But in one given day, there may be possibilities of napping or not-napping.

Today, I opted for sleeping, though at the time, I didn't pay attention to it being a choice. I was reading, and then I was sleeping...I was sneezing, and then it made sense to lie down. I have the feeling that my decision to skip coffee in the morning contributed to the inclination to doze later on. But yesterday, I did plan on sleeping today for the sake of being productive on other fronts tonight, so stage 1 of that decision saw its fulfillment. The question is whether sleeping breeds sleeping, which would not bode well for stage 2.

Maybe I'll have that coffee now...!

In the Merry Merry Month of......June?

I've decided to give myself the "Choices Challenge." Namely: my claim is that every day is a series of decisions, great and small. So each day of June (consciously 30 days), I intend to write about one of the many decisions of the day (I'll work the "features" in, never fear).

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Did you ever want to be someone you aren't? Pretty sure everyone breathing has, at some time or other. Did you ever want to be the person you know yourself to be, but feel you aren't at that moment? Assuredly, this imbalance may be felt in all kinds of serious matters. Me, I'm just wondering where my blonde highlights went. When I was little, my hair was dirty blonde. Then, it darkened to light brown. Then it darkened to brown, but at least I had blonde highlights with a bit of red (more blonde, though). It was interesting - or a little bit interesting, when examined closely. Caught the light, and all that. Now, though, my hair is plain old brown. Not a bad color as colors go. Not as dull as it could be. But nothing intriguing either, not even from an angle. I'm hoping that some lemon juice and Jerusalem sun will retrieve them from their hiding place.

NOT me.
My hair is a lot longer, but these colors are what I mean by "interesting," and remind me of my old self.

(The day's decision, if you missed it, was to douse myself with lemon juice before running errands in the sunshine.)

A merry month to you!

Quick: Favorite Holiday?

As a matter of principle, I've never had two "Quick" questions in a row, but it seems the rule is made to be broken. This question was one of my first "quick" questions, when I discovered the idea as a focal point for a wayward class, and it's seasonal...

What IS your favorite holiday? Probably, you like different holidays for different things. But doesn't one stand out?

I have two calendars of holidays....the good ol' American days and the Jewish calendar. On the American front, both July 4th and Thanksgiving rank high - they tend to be relaxed family days with good eats (at least, when I have the opportunity to be with family), and - in my family, anyway - little reason for hassle. Every family has its dysfunctionality, but at least nobody in mine takes issue with being seated next to anyone else, and so on. In fact, these days demonstrate a remarkable lack of family conflict.

My favorite holiday on the Jewish calendar is Shavuot. I think that may even have been the case when I was in 8th grade, and our drama teacher posed the same question (though this makes no sense to me, historically, so perhaps my memory deceives).

Shavuot captures me both because of the experience of the day and the meaning of the day.

Let's start with the experience:

Jewish tradition encourages greenery (flowers), dairy meals (cheesecake), and staying up all night to learn Torah. Personally, I'm in favor of each of these things (though I don't pull all-nighters as often as I used to), which makes all of them together in one day a wonderful trifecta (I may be exaggerating with that term, but you get the point).  To find enticing illustration of the dairy, see here: http://ayalayoung.blogspot.com/2012/05/isnt-it-ironic.html, though my favorite cheesecake is a 1981 recipe from Seventeen Magazine, adapted by my cousin and me (if I had digital pictures, I'd post them...yet another example of the absence of digital pics getting in my way...I'll have to make it and photograph it!). Ayala wouldn't like it, though, because it involves a good number of chocolate chips.

Me, I like the flowers too:

As for meaning, well, historically, the holiday of Shavuot commemorates the season of the beginnings of the harvest. It's the time when the "first fruits" were offered as sacrifices to God in thanksgiving, giving the initial reapings to the One who allows the fields and trees to produce. It's the time when the counting of the Omer is complete - with a bracha every night if you manage it - and the barley sacrifice gives way for wheat.

Not mentioned in the Torah, Shavuot is the anniversary of the giving of the Torah. That would be the "anniversary" of the marriage between God and the Jewish People - with His unbending commitment to the Children of Israel (despite the suffering of Jewish history that follows).

It's also the time when Megillat Ruth is read, and it has long been my sense that this book holds the key to the "secret" of Shavuot (I even wrote about it in 2008 - see page 41).

The day that commemorates the giving of the Law has (essentially) no laws associated with it uniquely (aside from that sacrifice of wheat). In contrast, Pesach (Passover) is the holiday that celebrates freedom - and it is replete with laws that have only grown in number by leaps and bounds over the centuries. If the details of Pesach teach the privilege that accompanies serious assumption of responsibility, then the absence of detail in receiving the Torah highlights the opportunities found in the white space between the letters of the law. What are we to do in areas that inherently, necessarily remain unlegislated?  After all (believe it or not), even the most casuistic legal systems involve their practitioners beyond the letter of the law.

Thus, Megillat Ruth teaches the primacy of "chesed" - lovingkindness, or even just plain old regular kindness. Kindness takes us out of ourselves - and by definition, chesed cannot be mandated. - Yes, acts of chesed are part and parcel of daily living: visiting the sick, helping the orphan, and so on. But the strong, selfless actions of Ruth when she throws her lot in with Naomi and her people are explicitly not required of her when Naomi instructs her to return to her own family (so too Boaz's bounty, when there was another to redeem the family). The mystery of Ruth's commitment is intriguing; more importantly (since it's in the story), by going beyond what is required, she functions as a model for us who read her tale.

The notion that the holiday of the Law is commemorated with a story of one who utterly circumvents the obligatory to do more suggests the manner by which we may embody our fulfillment of that Law. Lest you think, however, that the implication is simple stringency with regard to the details of the laws - let me remind you that we already have Pesach for that.

Rather, Shavuot teaches that the Law imbues us with the intuitive sense - albeit an intuition acquired through study - of how to live beyond the letter of the law - in the white space.

Kazimir Malevich: Suprematist Compisition: White on White, 1918
(from here:  http://paulcorio.blogspot.com/2008/03/paintings-i-like-pt-16.html)One of my favorite abstract paintings, seen at the MOMA in December 1988,
in preparation for Anna Chave's Modern Art & Abstraction (better known as "Spots and Dots")